Convent by Sam Clemens

Author:Sam Clemens [Clemens, Sam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-05-10T22:00:00+00:00

At the next meeting, Cosmo didn’t show up.

Laird had known something was up when he texted his friend about pregame drinks.

Yo! 8 o’clock at the Horse like usual?

Cosmo responded simply, Not tonight.

No worries! Laird wrote. See you at Copper Mine then?

No response.

Laird showed up to Copper Mine at ten and waited. The congregation found their seats, and Retha and Roy served chips. Laird peeked in from the back door and counted forty-five people. He thought of the effectiveness of his pamphlets and wondered if perhaps they’d worked too well; his buddy was having a mini freak out about being the focal point of this whole operation, and meanwhile his followers continued to multiply. He assumed the pamphlets were the reason for the boom. Surely all these people hadn’t seen Cosmo in a dream?

Laird tapped his foot as he checked his phone. 10:05 came, then 10:10. He texted Cosmo again.

Yo dude. You coming?

Nothing. 10:15. Laird could hear the conversations inside growing louder. He tried calling. Five rings, then to voicemail. The man didn’t even have the decency to leave a custom outgoing message, so the automated lady read the standard one. Fuck. Laird felt sweat break out on the back of his neck.

At 10:22 it was clear Cosmo wasn’t coming, Laird took a breath and walked inside.

“Good evening,” he said, quieting the conversations. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming, as always. I’m afraid I have some bad news to share.” Laird rubbed his hands together. The sub shop was quiet. “Our leader—the emancipator—has come down with an illness.”

Unrest among the congregation. People fidgeted and talked amongst themselves. A man Laird didn’t recognize stood up.

“It’s the county!” the town crier yelled. “They’re trying to shut us down. We’re being persecuted!”

Some members murmured in agreement.

“Let’s calm down,” Laird said. He smiled. “I can assure you the county has nothing to do with it. Cosmo’s just come down with a stomach bug, is all. He strongly regrets that he wasn’t able to make it tonight.”

The cute woman in the mesh hat raised her hand. “I’m a homeopathic healer,” she said. “Perhaps I could help.”

Laird thanked her. “But I think this will pass on its own, thanks.”

She kept at him. “Please,” Sadie said. “This is my spiritual gift. I have nothing to offer the restaurant, like so many other good members.” She motioned around the room. “If there’s any chance I can assist in the emancipator’s recovery, it would be my honor. I feel called by the cosmos.”

The crowd nodded along, and a few members whistled in support. That was a new thing—Laird wasn’t sure when they’d started whistling.

“Okay, okay,” Laird said, motioning for order. “We’ll, uh, talk afterwards. But now, I want to update you all on the tremendous progress on our new venture, Pizza by Cosmo.”

The crowd listened intently as Laird delivered rudimentary construction updates as if they were renovating the Taj Mahal. You’re not the only one who can play the part, he thought, and cursed Cosmo for hanging him out to dry.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.